Big Time Romance
by ThatGuy21
Summary: Logan and Kendall share a night of passion, but the aftermath causes a friction in their friendship. Logan is now confronted with the possibility of losing his best friend and true love. A two-part story arc. Obviously KOGAN; rated M.
1. Big Time Romance Pt 1

**I do not own anything.**

**I started this fanfic a while ago and kept coming back to it, and somehow it just developed into the idea of the first love and the fear of unrequited love. The reason why I titled it as Part 1 is because obviously there will be a follow-up. I realized I got so immersed into the characters and story that it became entirely too long for a one-shot, so I had the idea to break it up into two stories that made up a complete story, but could also be stories that stood on their own, if that makes any sense haha. I just had to figure out where and when to break up the story at an organic and interesting point. I'm fleshing out Part 2, so I'll try to post that soon. This is dedicated to all BTR fans, but especially to Kogan fans as I am one! (Clearly)! Enjoy.**

Logan and Kendall sat in the town car in silence. Kendall didn't look at Logan; instead he just stared vacantly out the window. The city just looked like a blur from inside the car as they sped on by, with only flickers of neon lights breaking up the dark night. Logan couldn't bare the silence and eventually looked at Kendall, hoping he would at least look at him if nothing else. Kendall could feel Logan's eyes bore into him, but he remained still and kept his eyes out into the night. Logan could no longer remain quiet.

"Kendall… can we talk about what happened last night?" Kendall immediately looked at the driver, feeling a bit paranoid, and then glared at Logan, as though that was the only answer he was willing to give. Logan felt so small and helpless in that moment. Kendall returned to staring out the window. Logan's hurt turned into frustration. He needed Kendall to respond.

"Kendall, what happened between us… I just want you to know I don't regret it." Kendall instantly looked at Logan, this time not caring if the driver could overhear; his eyes stern and serious.

"Is _that_ what you think? That I regret what happened last night?"

Logan was completely confused. He wasn't sure if he should have been offended or flattered. "Well, what am I supposed to think with the way you're acting?"

Kendall swiftly unbuckled himself and scooted closer to Logan. Logan's heart raced since Kendall was mere inches away from him. Although, he did notice Kendall made a deliberate choice to keep enough distance as to not touch him. The blonde leaned in and looked Logan dead in the eyes, "You have no idea what you do to me, Logan. You have no idea how hard it is to go through the day, _every_ day, without touching you… holding you… kissing you…" This time, it was Logan that looked up to see if the driver was eavesdropping.

Logan felt a hard lump stuck in his throat. He was more confused than ever. Kendall's words didn't make sense with how he had been acting since this morning.

"I-I don"— Logan stammered, but was interrupted by the blonde.

"Don't. Nothing you could say could make me feel any better." Kendall said intensely, and then he slid away from Logan and began to look out into the night again. The frustration was building in Logan. For some unknown reason, Kendall seemed like he was blaming and punishing himself for what happened last night, and now he was punishing Logan indirectly in the process. Logan had to convince Kendall there was no one at fault; everything was perfect, at least it was for him.

"Last night was the bes"— But before Logan could finish, the town car came to a stop.

"Alright, fellas. We're back at the Palmwoods." Kendall hastily exited the town car, closing the door behind him, without so much as a glance at Logan, who was momentarily stunned. He didn't understand why Kendall was ruining everything. Everything this morning felt so perfect that Logan wasn't entirely sure how they got to the state they were currently in. He refused to let Kendall leave him with this bitter memory. He wanted, no, he _needed_ the proper memory of last night replayed, even if it did seem like a dim memory now…

_Logan was already in bed when Kendall came home. Logan didn't move to check what time it was, but he guessed it was a little past midnight. The brunette was already half asleep, but some part of his consciousness was alert to Kendall's return. He heard the doorknob to their bedroom door turn slowly; Kendall was clearly trying to respect the fact that his friend was asleep. Logan's face was turned to the wall, purposely so to not give away that he was actually awake now. He heard Kendall toss his keys on his nightstand, and then struggling to get out of his clothes, which briefly stopped Logan's breathing. When he finally got out of his clothes, Logan could hear Kendall collapse onto the bed, letting out a sigh. _

"_Logan?" The blonde whispered a little too loud. "Logan, are you awake?" Logan didn't know if he should feign being fast asleep, or reply and give away the fact that he had been awkwardly lying there, listening to Kendall undress the whole time. He decided to do neither, so instead he pretended to have been woken up by Kendall's voice. _

"_Yeah… what's up?" He groaned, attempting his best tired voice. It was a pitiful attempt, he thought to himself. "Oh, nothing. Just wanted to talk. I haven't seen you all day. I missed you, was all." Logan's heart picked up speed at the thought. _

"_I've missed you too." He replied, sincerely._

"_Oh, yeah?" The blonde's voice sounding huskier than what Logan was used to. The brunette then heard the blonde struggle to get up from his bed, causing the bed to squeak in the process. Logan kept his face pointed to the wall, not completely sure what his friend was doing. He heard the blonde shuffle towards his bed, and then Kendall placed a warm hand on his shoulder. The brunette's heart quickened again. "Could you scoot over, Logie?" Logan reacted instinctively and did as Kendall requested, moving closer to the wall. Kendall lied down behind Logan; the brunette could feel Kendall's weight pushing down on his mattress. Logan's heart fluttered so rapidly that he feared Kendall would hear it. Kendall lifted his hand and placed it on Logan's back, and began to slowly rub small circles. Logan let out a quiet sigh. Just mere contact with Kendall sent Logan's head spinning. The blonde then leaned in and planted a light kiss on the back of the brunette's neck; Logan let out a heavier unintentional sigh. At that moment, Logan noticed Kendall slightly smelled of booze; this explained the odd behavior. Kendall let out a moan behind Logan's ear, which sent a tingle down Logan's spine. Kendall inhaled sharply, then wrapped his arms around Logan and instantly pulled the smaller boy against his chest. Logan gasped out of shock. The closeness was enough to send him on a high. _

_The blonde nuzzled his face against the nook of Logan's neck. Kendall clearly didn't shave today, because Logan could feel the blonde's stubble rubbing against his neck. Logan finally gathered enough breath to ask, "Kendall, what are you doing?" _

"_I want to hold you. Does this bother you?" The blonde replied into the back of Logan's ear. _

"_No..." Logan replied weakly. Hearing this, Kendall craned his neck over to look into Logan's eyes. Logan twisted his neck around to meet those lovely pale green eyes, and then Kendall's lips crushed Logan's. Kendall's wet mouth worked over Logan's mouth. The slow, sensual kisses picked up pace, and the kisses soon became more hurried and lust-filled. Then the brunette felt Kendall's tongue sweeping his lower lip, requesting for permission to enter. How could Logan refuse? Kendall's tongue found Logan's and their tongues swirled and wrestled with one another, as though both boys tried to declare dominance. Logan could taste Kendall's drunken lips and mouth, but surprisingly it didn't bother him. After all, he was feeling intoxicated as well; intoxicated from the passion Kendall was radiating. _

_Kendall rolled over so he would be directly on top of Logan, but he never stopped kissing Logan during the movement. The way the blonde was kissing Logan was passionate, no doubt, but also animalistic. Logan couldn't help but reciprocate the passion, so he began to run his fingers through Kendall's dirty blonde locks. Kendall wrapped his arms under Logan, pulling the brunette up towards him, while Logan intertwined his legs with Kendall's. The brunette slowly moved his hands starting at the nape of Kendall's neck and proceeded down his exposed back. Touching Kendall's shirtless body reminded him that Kendall was in nothing else but his boxers; Logan suddenly felt nervous again. Kendall could sense this, so he stopped kissing his friend long enough to ask, "Everything okay?" He sounded genuinely concerned. Logan swallowed hard, "Yeah… I just never thought… I never thought this would happen." Kendall just smiled, and gave his friend a tender peck on his lips. Then he began to rock his hips back and forth, grinding against the brunette, who was in a compromising position underneath him. Logan moaned rather loudly, forcing Kendall to bring his mouth back down to Logan's and resumed kissing the brunette wildly. But a few audible moans still escaped Logan's lips from time to time. The blonde made his way to Logan's neck and began sucking and brushing his tongue against his friend's smooth creamy skin. Logan's throat felt dry; he couldn't properly moan the pleasure he was feeling then. _

_Kendall's hands slid up Logan's shirt, exposing his firm youthful body. The blonde moved down to Logan's nipples and began to take care of those. His teeth grazed over Logan's right nipple, and he gently bit the skin around it, causing Logan's dry throat to finally produce another moan. Then he began flicking his tongue against the nipple, while pinching the other one, causing Logan to make another round of sounds, only louder this time. _

"_Shhh…" Kendall warned. Logan was panting lightly; Kendall just resumed kissing Logan's ivory skin. He pulled off the inconvenient t-shirt Logan was wearing, leaving both of them in their boxers. Kendall inched his hand downwards and lightly ran his hand over the bulge hiding behind Logan's blue boxers, teasing the boy. After what felt like an eternity, the blonde pulled Logan's waistband down, fully exposing his stiff member. Logan blushed, fully aware of how exposed he was in front of his best friend, but Kendall gave him an appreciative look. The blonde tossed Logan's underwear aside and quickly removed his as well, exposing his member, which stood erect before Logan's eyes; Logan gulped. The moonlight that shone in through their bedroom window highlighted Kendall's perfectly taut skin, casting soft shadows under Kendall's naturally lean musculature. The blonde then brought his body back down onto Logan's, so they were face to face. He placed his hands on both sides of Logan to hold himself up, and aligned himself so that his member was resting on top of Logan's member. Kendall began to move his body up and down, creating friction against Logan to get both of them rock solid. Moans escaped both the boys' mouths. Once Kendall felt they had achieved enough firmness, he sat up on his knees and lined himself at Logan's entrance, using his pre-cum to lubricate the head. _

"_Wait…" Logan breathed out. "Go slowly, please Kendall." Kendall nodded, and then slowly pushed himself forward into Logan; the brunette's eyes widened and his mouth gaped open but no audible sound came out. It wasn't until Kendall thrust all of him into Logan that the brunette let out a scream. _

"_Shhh… it's alright, Logan." He reassured his friend. Kendall lied on top of Logan again, to find the right angle. He supported himself with his elbows, and buried his face into the nook of Logan's neck. Logan pulled the blonde in closer, as if Kendall was still too far away from him. Logan gave his friend a soft kiss on his neck, and the blonde continued to slowly thrusting in and out of Logan. Logan closed his eyes, absorbing each thrust and the pleasures each one held. His toes curled and his fingers were frantically tangled in Kendall's hair. The brunette felt some discomfort, but the pleasure surely outweighed it. In fact, he yearned for more. Logan felt so incredibly light that, at one point, he actually thought he was floating on a cloud. If that was the case, then Kendall was undoubtedly his sun; all the glorious warmth Kendall's body radiated made him believe even more that this was true. _

_When the blonde came close to his peak, he pulled his face up to meet Logan's, "I'm almost there, Logie… Come with me?" The words chimed through Logan's head. Kendall, his best friend whom he's loved for so long, in so many ways, wanted to share this exhilaration with him. And somewhere lost in an indescribable bliss, Logan and Kendall came in unison, with both boys throwing their heads back in ecstasy. Kendall filled his best friend with all the fervent passion from his release. The blonde's arms melted, causing him to collapse on top of Logan. But Logan didn't seem to mind the weight of Kendall on him. Instead he kissed his best friend's forehead and stroked his hair, while the blonde panted lightly on top of his chest. 'Is this what heaven feels like?' Logan thought to himself. But the notion of heaven didn't suffice, because even forever with Kendall just didn't seem enough. Logan continued stroking Kendall's smooth tresses, looking out at the full moon illuminating their skins, and the brunette couldn't imagine anyone in the world that was more jubilant than he was that very moment. Kendall's breathing slowed down, signaling Logan that his friend was falling asleep. The brunette gave his friend a soft kiss goodnight and closed his eyes too, falling asleep with a smile on his face…_

_An eyeful of blindingly bright sunlight woke Logan. He shielded the sunlight with his hand and saw his own naked body underneath the sheets. Last night instantly replayed in his mind, putting a smirk on his face. But his smirk suddenly disappeared when he realized that the person, who was the sole reason for his current euphoria, was no longer in his bed. _

_The brunette tried not worry too much about it. Instead he headed for the bathroom, turned on the shower and waited for the water to warm up. Logan did a double take in the mirror. He couldn't help but noticed how slightly different he looked. He couldn't pinpoint exactly what was different. The reflection staring back looked enough like him, but he somehow _glowed_. Last night was a turning page in the book of his life; everything he felt about Kendall came to fruition. All the empty and hollow nights of lying next to someone you loved with all your being, but couldn't so much as touch was pure hell. And all the times of yearning for someone with such a fiery desire, but thinking it could never be matched was torment. But now all that was over like a bad dream, and Logan finally felt awakened for the first time in his life._

_The mirror began to fog up from the steam, indicating the water had gotten hot enough, so Logan jumped into the shower. The hot water felt nice against his skin, smoothing all the stiffness in his muscles. Logan ran his hands over his smooth body, imagining Kendall's hands in his place; his heart picked up speed at the thought. He traced his index finger along the line of mouth, picturing Kendall's lips brushing against his; Logan had a smile fixed on his face just at the thought. Logan knew he couldn't spend the rest of his day in the shower daydreaming, so he finished up, quickly dried himself and wrapped the towel around his waist. When he opened the bathroom door, Kendall was standing right in front of him, looking more beautiful than Logan even remembered. But something was off with Kendall. His face seemed too severe, his eyes distant, his body slightly turned away. Suddenly Logan felt a panic. He had never done anything like this before; he wasn't sure how you were supposed to act the morning after making love. So instead he played cool and allowed Kendall to initiate everything. The only problem was Kendall didn't speak right away; he just stood there with a look of intensity. The silence was deafening. Kendall finally broke the silence. _

"_We have to be at the studio by 10. Carlos and James are waiting downstairs," the blonde said lifelessly. Logan waited, thinking that couldn't possibly be all Kendall had to say after the events of last night. He continued waiting, and Kendall continued to remain silent. _

"_I'll get dress then." Logan mumbled._

_As soon as he said that, Kendall turned towards the door and bolted out of the room. _

_Logan was confused. Was Kendall mad about something? Or could it possibly be something infinitely worse? Logan didn't want to think about it, but could it be that Kendall was embarrassed and ashamed of what he had done with Logan last night? Logan's heart skipped a beat. He prayed this wasn't the reason, that his best friend would now always see him as a drunken mistake. Logan expelled these thoughts from his mind for the time being and quickly got dressed, as he didn't want to make the band late. When the brunette fastened the last button on his shirt, he looked himself over in the mirror, and then reassured himself, 'Everything's fine. Kendall is your best friend, he wouldn't just ignore you.' Logan couldn't seem to find his breath._

_Carlos, James and Kendall were waiting in the lobby. As soon as they saw Logan approach, James, who was obviously annoyed, yelled out, "Finally, dude!" _

"_I call the first town car!" Carlos screamed, raising his index finger above his head to drive the point home._

"_So do I!" James shouted to Logan and Kendall, worried that they would call dibs before he could. Kendall and Logan were clearly worried about greater issues than a trivial thing as to who's riding in which town car. James and Carlos zipped right out of the lobby and jumped into the first town car, leaving the blonde and brunette behind. Kendall was looking away from Logan. "Kendall, did I do something… to make you mad at me?" Logan was afraid to ask, but he was more afraid of never finding out why Kendall decided to ruin his perfect world this morning. _

"_Of course not. Let's get going before we're late." Kendall meant for it to sound reassuring, but the words came out angry and indifferent. Logan flinched at the Kendall's tone. But before he could respond, Kendall had already picked up his bag and headed out the lobby. Logan stood in the busy lobby, while his heart quietly shattered inside._

"Ahem, Mr. Mitchell? We're back at the Palmwoods." The driver said to Logan through the rearview mirror.

"Oh. I'm sorry." Logan mumbled. "Thank you."

The brunette grabbed his duffle bag and headed towards the Palmwoods. The day at Rocque Records was nothing short of distracting for Logan, since Kendall wouldn't make any eye contact with him. And it was an especially unproductive day for him, because he couldn't concentrate on anything else but the panic in his head. He needed a response from Kendall so desperately, a response he knew he wouldn't be getting tonight. It was futile to try; it was a wasted attempt to think. He knew he eventually had to move on, even in the literal sense, because he was barely making any progress to the Palmwoods, so he forced one foot in front of the other; it was like he had to remind himself how to breathe again.

When Logan made it back to the apartment, he paused in front of the apartment door. He didn't want to proceed just yet. He wasn't sure what his fate would be behind the door, so instead he closed his eyes and pictured Kendall. The memory of last night filled his mind, with the strongest image being of Kendall's soft lips against his for the first time. Logan smiled to himself. He continued to stand in the empty hallway, tears beginning to form as he was replaying this image over and over again. He loved Kendall so blindly, so stupidly… And then he replayed the image in his head one final time, with tears streaming down his face.


	2. Big Time Romance Pt 2

**I "finished" Pt. 2 a few weeks back but had to polish it a bit before I posted it, but it's finally finished; apologies to those who have waited so patiently for Pt. 2! I'm very excited to share Pt. 2 with all of you, and to wrap up this KOGAN story so it can live on in Fanfic heaven, haha! If you've already read Pt. 1, then you know this is first and foremost a love story, if nothing else, but I thought I'd throw in a scene of Kogan sensuality for good measure! ;) Please review, but without further ado, enjoy the complete Big Time Romance...**

Logan headed straight to the bedroom, and it seemed like so did the rest of the guys, since all of the apartment's lights were already off. Everyone must have gone straight to bed and passed out from the long day. Logan was tired as well, this was definitely true. But the void in his heart blurred the certainty of being tired to feeling like a ghost. When he opened the bedroom door, he realized Kendall was already in bed with the lights off. It was clear to him now: Kendall was avoiding him. The hurt inside of him was searing. Logan didn't say anything; instead he quickly changed out of his day clothes and went straight to bed. He silently cried himself to sleep.

...

...

...

"Logan?" A faint, but familiar voice called out. "Logan."

The brunette's eyes blurred, but he managed to turn in the direction of the voice. The voice belonged to the only person he wanted to hear: Kendall. Looking at Kendall in that moment made Logan's heart swell ten times its size; he couldn't imagine anyone more in love with someone as deeply as he loved Kendall.

"Kendall, I know you're mad at me. I'm not sure why, but I know you are, and I just want you to know that—" The words were spewing out of Logan's mouth, almost choking him. The desperation in Logan's voice was heartbreaking, but that didn't matter right now, he thought. All Logan knew was he needed his best friend to understand; to feel what he had been feeling for so many years.

Kendall casually placed a finger on the brunette's lips to silence him. "It's ok, Logan. I'm the one that should be apologizing to you. I was a bad friend to you today." And then in an impossibly sexy voice the blonde said, "Let me show you how sorry I am." And, just like that, the blonde replaced his finger with his lips on Logan's. Logan's eyes widened, but quickly closed as the blonde kissed him deeply. Kendall raised both hands to the sides of Logan's face and drew him in even closer. Logan was instantly lost in a euphoric state, with the rooming spinning around him. He didn't know how he and Kendall got to this point, nor did he care, he just wanted to hold on to this moment forever. The blonde's tongue pried Logan's mouth open, and a warmth engulfed Logan's entire body. His body was set alight by every touch, every kiss from Kendall. The blonde lowered his hands to the hem of Logan's shirt and lifted it up over the boy's head, and tossed the shirt aside. Kendall and Logan locked eyes momentarily before Kendall proceeded to bring his hands to Logan's torso.

The blonde caressed Logan's ivory skin with his long fingers. Logan ran his hands up Kendall's shirt and swiftly removed it as well. Both boys looked down at each other's crotch, noticing their members bulging through their boxers. The two grabbed the other boy's waistband and simultaneously pulled the boxers down, revealing both their naked bodies at the same time. Kendall and Logan brought their eyes back to one another. Kendall stared deeply into Logan's warm brown eyes, and Logan looked back at Kendall's beautiful green eyes. Kendall gave Logan a smirk; Logan gave him a nervous laugh. The blonde moved forward and brought his mouth to Logan's once more. Something clicked inside Logan; maybe it was the fear of losing Kendall for good, but somehow Logan felt he was instilled with more courage this time around, so he grabbed Kendall's shoulders and slammed their bodies together, causing their members to rub up against one another. The two kissed passionately, with Kendall trailing his tongue along Logan's neck and then to his collarbone. Logan returned the favor by circling his tongue around Kendall's nipples, and alongside his torso. The blonde then nibble Logan's earlobe and gently bit Logan's shoulder. Both boys alternated turns to try to please the other more each time around. It almost became a game, to see who could gratify the other one more.

Kendall looked down at their hard members, and flashed Logan another smile. The blonde wrapped his hand around Logan's pulsating member and began stroking it. Kendall thumbed the head of Logan's flesh, and smeared the boy's pre-cum around; Logan let out a deep moan. Kendall continued to stroke Logan, slowly but effectively, causing Logan's stomach to contract from the pleasure. Kendall planted a loving kiss on Logan's lips, while still stroking his friend. Logan couldn't bare it anymore so he forced his mouth back to Kendall's for impassioned kisses. The force from Logan caused Kendall to fall on his back, with the smaller boy falling on top. Both boys laughed, and began to playfully wrestle with each other on top of the bed. The blonde eventually overpowered his friend by pinning him down and straddling him. Kendall gazed down at Logan, who looked little upset with himself for being defeated so easily, but also looked to be enjoying the playful encounter, if his erection was any indication. Logan bit his lower lip, and the blonde started tickling his friend, who immediately began laughing and squirming uncontrollably.

"Kendall! Stop!" The brunette cried out in a fit of laughter.

"Only if you kiss me." Kendall demanded. He stopped to see if Logan would comply.

Logan looked up at his friend, who loomed over him looking more glorious than he could put into words.

Logan pulled himself up to meet Kendall and leaned forward to press him lips on Kendall's. The blonde opened his mouth and let his friend brush his tongue against his.

"Can I be freed now?" Logan mumbled through the kiss.

Kendall then pulled back and groaned, "Fine…" But the blonde immediately grabbed Logan by the wrist, pulled him in and asked, "Can I keep forever?" Logan's heart drummed rapidly. Kendall smiled at him and then wrapped one arm around Logan, kissing him some more in between giggles. Logan was grinning from ear to ear. The moment was as carefree and perfect as Logan had always dreamt, with all the passion and ease he imagined he and Kendall would share. But somehow the sun must have come up a lot earlier than usual, because the picturesque scene abruptly became blindingly bright, burning his pupils. Logan's eyes shot wide open.

He looked around him through a haze and saw that Kendall's bed was empty, and the blonde was nowhere in sight; a dream, a damn dream… Tears pooled at the corner of his eyes. Logan closed his eyes tightly, hoping he would fall back asleep and resume the dream where it left off. Even though the dream was only a shade of what the passion of last night felt like, Logan knew that would be closest experience to touching Kendall. As hard as he tried, he couldn't fall back asleep, because the reality of it all was too present: Kendall didn't want to touch him. The tears he was holding back overwhelmed his strength and poured out.

Logan forced himself up and out of bed, and headed for the bathroom to wash his face. He refused to let Kendall see the effect he had on him, if he would so happen to walk in. Yet, that's all he wanted; Kendall to walk in and set things right just like in his dream. The brunette splashed cold water on his face and patted his cheeks. He looked into the mirror and saw how sad his reflection looked; a startling contrast to just yesterday morning... a morning of bliss, until everything flipped upside down on him. Logan felt he had to reclaim his happiness, so he shut his eyes, and pictured Kendall. The blonde would be walking up behind him, smiling of course, and wrapping his long arms tightly around him. Logan would lean back to greet him with his lips. They would kiss passionately… endlessly. Kendall would caress his face, drawing heart shapes with his finger. Logan would pull back and look deeply into his best friend's eyes… This would be the moment that would perpetuate them into an unbreakable romance. Logan came back to reality, but made sure to immortalize that last image in his mind, because he needed something encouraging to get him through the rest of the day.

Logan wiped his face dry with a towel and began getting dressed. He moved slowly, thoughtfully; he was in no hurry to get on with the day since, unlike yesterday morning, there wasn't much for him to look forward to today. Logan's inside felt hollow, as though his heart was replaced with nothing but air. Logan felt numb; he couldn't emote.

After the brunette meticulously went over every detail and figured he looked as dressed and ready as he'd ever be, he opened the bedroom door leading into the living room of their apartment. Logan stopped in his tracks by the surprise of seeing Kendall still in the apartment. The blonde was sitting on the couch very still, with his fingers intertwined between his legs. The image of Kendall like that reminded him of a gargoyle, preached over and solidified in that position, looking a bit intimidating. He looked as serious as he did last night in the town car. The blonde was visibly lost in deep thought because he hadn't even noticed his friend walk into the room. It wasn't until Logan called out his name that he looked up.

"Kendall? Why are you just sitting there?"

"I just wanted to make sure you weren't alone." Logan's heart sped up at the thought of Kendall's kindness. He noticed Kendall's voice sounding heavier and raspier than what he was used to, as if his throat was dry. Logan tried to keep his guard up, not wanting to be burned again, so he quickly changed the subject.

"Where is everyone?" Logan asked, quickly scanning the room, even though he knew the answer.

"Down at the pool." Kendall replied flatly.

Then there was more silence. Finally Kendall broke the silence.

"Sit with me?" The blonde asked; his voice almost in a pleading manner.

Logan scoffed, a little insulted that his friend thought he would be so easily persuaded. But then he looked down at Kendall and into his eyes, which looked like they might burst into tears at any moment. Logan moved slowly but cautiously towards Kendall. Maybe Kendall did have a persuasive power over him, he thought.

Logan sat on the same couch as Kendall, neither boy facing one another. Logan made sure he kept enough distance from the blonde, much like how Kendall did in the town car last night. Somehow Logan felt the roles were reversed this time, however. Kendall was the one who seemed like he had a brick house weighing down on him, and this time Logan was the one who was acting indifferent… at least that's how he hoped he came off. Logan didn't want Kendall to know how much he had hurt him, and had to keep reminding himself to keep his guard up, even though all he wanted was to hold Kendall and tell him how much he wanted his best friend back.

"What's on your mind?" Logan asked, still deliberately not making eye contact with Kendall. He knew if he did, he would just fall to pieces.

"I wanted to talk about the other night." Logan's heart thumped rapidly and loudly. Obviously he was expecting this, but somehow it didn't change the fact that he abruptly felt nervous.

"You didn't seem like you wanted to talk about it the past couple of days." Logan stated bitterly, finally looking at his friend.

Kendall simply grinned. It wasn't what Logan had expected, but he couldn't help but stare at Kendall now. He couldn't remember the last night he saw Kendall smile like that; he didn't realize until now how much he had missed it.

Kendall began again, "I just want to apologize for what… went on. I was drunk, and I'm sorry… It'll never happen again." Kendall basically spit out the last part. Logan's head started spinning again. _Never_ _happen again_? _Sorry_? So Kendall did think their intimacy as a drunken mistake, Logan thought to himself; he suddenly felt sick and embarrassed at the same time. His cheeks and neck felt inflamed. Yet somehow the hurt and shame turned into anger and frustration. After all, Logan felt he was the one that should have gotten the last word, given how Kendall has been treating him the past two days. Logan's blood boiled as he sat there; he wanted to scream into Kendall's face and tell him what an insensitive asshole he was being, he wanted to say how everything was fine until Kendall decided to jump into bed with him, he wanted to place all the blame, hurt and anger he was feeling inside into Kendall, but then just when he began to open his mouth to speak, something in the corner of his eye caught his attention: it was a framed photo of him and Kendall back in Minnesota.

Logan remembered the moment in the photo well; the two boys were 15 in the photo, wearing their hockey jerseys, holding their hockey sticks in one hand, and smiling so honestly. They had won their first hockey game, and right before Kendall's mom took that picture of the two of them, Logan remembered Kendall whispering in his ear, "_I'm so lucky to have_ _a best friend like you_." Logan recalled the surge of emotions he felt when Kendall whispered those words to him, the same emotions he was feeling now. No one else seemed to ever have the same effect on Logan the way Kendall did. No one valued Logan the way Kendall valued him. It wasn't about Logan needing to be validated by someone; it was that fact that Kendall valued him unconditionally. And suddenly Logan was calm. Just like that, the anger diminished. It's easy to be angry, to be defensive when you're hurt. Baring your soul so shamelessly is much more difficult; Kendall taught him this. Logan knew if he didn't express how he felt in that moment, he would never find any closure on the subject, and more importantly, he would never know if Kendall felt the same. The thoughts flashed by within mere seconds but evidently long enough for the silence to concern Kendall a bit, since he raised an eyebrow.

Logan spoke evenly and calmly, "Kendall, I've known you since the 3rd grade." Kendall nodded slowly, keeping up so far. "And I remember how much I wanted to be left alone the first day of school; how badly I wanted to remain invisible to everyone. But then I met you. You were _the_ first kid to talk to me. As much as I tried to break myself away from you, you just kept insisting I come out of my shell. Kendall… I've never felt as brave as I do now. You make me brave. You've _always_ made me brave," The brunette declared. Kendall remained silent, looking like he was in deep thought, so Logan continued, worrying that he may not get another chance like this, "I can't stay away from you. It's like, I'm better when you're around. You can laugh at me if you want, but that's how I feel." Logan looked down at his feet, feeling a bit sheepish for wearing his heart on his sleeve so vulnerably.

The blonde wasn't looking at Logan, which made it impossible to know what he was thinking.

"Logan…" Kendall began, "I can't give you a normal life."

It was clear to Logan now; Kendall thought if Logan chose to be with him, Kendall would feel like he was taking away his friend's chance at having a "normal life." A "normal life" probably with some pretty girl, who Logan could never love a hundredth of a fraction the way he loved Kendall. It never was a question of whether Logan preferred girls or guys; he only preferred Kendall. No one else would ever, could ever come close.

"Is this what it's been about?" Kendall's silence answered Logan's question. "If you haven't figured it out by now, you should know I don't care what others think about me. And if being with you isn't normal, well then I guess I'm a freak. And I'm okay with that… as long as I have you."

"I can't let you make a decision like that," the blonde said under his breath.

"It's not for you to decide. It's my decision. I know what I want. I've never wanted anything or anyone more than I want you." Logan was hoping Kendall would say the same, but Kendall just kept his composure. Logan felt he was sounding a bit desperate at this point, but he had nothing left to lose. The only person he feared losing was Kendall, and that was a sacrifice he was not willing to make, so he proceeded.

"Kendall" the brunette said sternly, trying to force his friend to look at him. Kendall still didn't meet his eyes. "Kendall. Look at me. Don't you think I'm scared, too? I'm scared as hell. But the other night was the best night of my life. Maybe you regret it, but I don't. The only regret I have is not telling you I love you." Kendall finally looked Logan. Logan wasn't positive but he could have sworn he saw Kendall's eyes tear up, but Kendall seemed much too resigned for Logan to be entirely sure.

"What I'm about to ask is humiliating enough, so you better answer me damn truthfully…" Logan paused and waited for Kendall to make eye contact. "Do you love me?" As soon as the words came out, Logan instantly regret saying them. He felt silly and stupid for asking such a heavy question, but he also knew his answer if the question was asked of him by Kendall.

Kendall scoffed. "For someone who's so smart, you're an idiot at times, you know that?" Kendall stated bluntly. Logan flinched a little at the comment, but didn't want to presume, so he waited for Kendall to clarify. "Of course I love you Logan. How could I not love someone as perfect as you?" Logan couldn't believe what he was hearing. "There's no one I could imagine loving more than I do you." The blonde's words were filled with sincerity. Logan wanted to believe him, he so badly wanted to, but the fear of rejection loomed large once again. He was afraid on so many levels, so Logan requested something from Kendall; something he knew was foolproof and would provide the truth he needed from Kendall.

"Kiss me. Kiss me like you love me." The brunette requested assertively. The blonde instantly turned to face his best friend. Logan waited, not moving an inch. He figured it be best to let Kendall decide. Logan had already decided; he wanted Kendall. There was no lingering doubt; there was never any doubt that he had wanted Kendall. The blonde ghost closer towards Logan; Logan's heart stopped. Kendall inched closer. The wait felt painfully long; the sexual tension escalating. Logan closed his eyes. He wanted to feel Kendall's lips touch his. The brunette sat there with his lips willing and ready, his eyes closed, but he had yet to feel Kendall's kiss. Logan began to feel a little silly, his hopes beginning to diminish, but before his hopes were completely crushed Kendall's lips crashed against Logan's. The brunette's heart started up again, but raced faster than he thought humanly possible. Kendall's lips were so soft, warm, and delicate against his. He felt his friend's tongue glide into his mouth, and he gladly welcomed it. He could feel Kendall's hands cupping his face tenderly; the warmth radiating around him. Kendall continued to kiss Logan deeply, passionately, as if to make up for all the missed opportunities. The scent of Kendall was intoxicating, as though there was a physiological need for his friend. The images of Kendall filled Logan's mind, from the first day they met to this moment right now. Logan opened his eyes and was pleasantly surprised to see Kendall had opened his eyes simultaneously. The two boys stared into each other's eyes, not missing a beat, not blinking once… It was as though everything they wanted to say, they said through their eyes. Kendall finally leaned in and wrapped his arms around Logan, and in that instant, all the hurt and frustration washed out of him, and was immediately replaced with an overwhelming bliss. Kendall's love for him matched his love for Kendall, this much he knew. For Logan, any other love would pale in comparison. Never before had Logan found this kind of clarity and meaning in his life; he now understood that Kendall was his missing half.

Logan: _"If right now was all the time we had, or even if we had another 100 years, it wouldn't have made a difference, because every moment with Kendall felt so singular, so perfect, so everlasting…"_


End file.
